what does islam say about toxic parents

This way, you can explain things to the kids from their point of view. Breaking the Marriage: Does Adultery Break The Marriage Covenant? Dont dwell on the past, your mother may have favoured your brother or performed extra for his wedding but at the end of the day the only thing that matters is her dua. [Surah Al-Isr: 23], And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Join the challenge to learn 50 essential Quranic Arabic words in just 7 days. But you have no chance to denye them and the reason Islam has not allowed it. How to deal with angry parents in Islam? I guess from the way i replied her she was upset and proceeds to tell my dad who is passive aggressive and scolded me just because I did not agree to having iftar together with my mother. The children get mentally affected and traumatized and, sometimes, they yell at them in retaliation. I feel very upset and hurt most of the time. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. We use cookies on IslamQA to measure visitor stats. Please say LAWHOLA WALA QUTA ILLA BILLAHIL ALI YIL AZEEM ,after every salah or any time ,it is good for depression and remove shytan also,that make bad atmosphere in any relation..Try to see translation of Quran when ever possible,you will feel relief and peace of mind,insha Allah Tala.As much we come towards Allah Subhanu Wata Aala,we feel mentally relieved. In terms or Islam a simple wedding is much better, more Barakah. The Controllers: They use guilt, manipulation, and even overhelpfulness to direct their children's lives. But alhumdullilah this is my path that Allah has put me on. Talk to them about this matter, and let them talk to your parents. Narcissistic Parents, How Shall I Deal with Them? It may be that like all of us, they are humans who are trying to navigate life in the best way that they know how to. There is no problem that Allah sends you that He cannot solve, so ask for His Mercy and Kindness and guidance to a solution. Hating an Unjust Father - Islam Question & Answer It's unwarranted," she says. Whichever the case, sending prayers upon them is a rewarding act that may bring relief to the tension between us. My every sibling easily blame me for every thing and my mother dont listen to me and start scolding me she dont give me respect valie and worth. they made me feel different than my sibling especially my sisters, I can write a book of how many times ive felt unloved by them to even simply not being called to the dinner/lunch table when they all together. This is a kind of affliction which you should meet with patience, especially given that she is your aunt and your relative. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". For now, you should protect yourself and keep yourself safe. If the child is good, the parents will be respected by Allah SWT; if the child is bad, the responsibility will be on them. Can a anaf Resident Pray Behind a Shfie Traveller? Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the (final) destination". 09 July, 2021 Q Assalam o alaikum, My parents are narcissistic which has created a lot of problems amongst us as a family. This very attitude towards us made my elder brother became so heartless and exhibited so many attitudes, my sister became an introvert and deep down she isnt to avoid situations. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND my sister, I TOO HAVE A TOXIC MOTHER, I CAN FROM A DYSFUNCTIONAL TOXIC FAMILY AND EVERYDAY THERE IS SOMEOME ARGUING AND CRYING. When the case was dismissed in court, my ex-husband apologized to me; however, my mother and sister are still scheming where they are trying to find ways to separate me from my son. Supercharge your understanding of the words of Allah SWT in your worship. The decisions or actions that a parent takes may be detrimental or unfair to a child, according to Islam. Establish a meaningful relationship with the Quran and unlock deeper spirituality. However, in order to make things clear, it is vital that you are open to having a respectful conversation with your children. I pray this finds you well. https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/dealing-problems-with-abusive-father/. Even if your mother were to do this, Allah asked you to not listen to her but still live with her in this world with kindness [Surah Luqman: 14-15]. She will say: you never ever helped me even ones, and Allah is always the best in help. And feel more humbled by your ways of not disrespecting them. (31: 14) 14. Toxic parents : r/islam - Reddit And if the local Imam talks about it coincidently, they take it more seriously. Again, this way your own psychological wellbeing will be boosted. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. I am a 28 year old female who, unfortunately, feels dead inside due to all the restrictions my parents place on me, their manipulative behaviour towards me in order to control my every move and thought, and due to the difficulty we are presented with in being normal people whilst doing our best to please not only religious requirements but cultural ones too. Toxic parents may even hold time, money, or other items as pawns in their manipulation game. A question and answer forum on a wide range of Islamic issues and topics. Im so sorry this happened to you. Home Islamic Info Akhlaq Islamic Law Islamic Rules Al-Qur'an Home Islamic Info Akhlaq Islamic Law Islamic Rules Al-Qur'an This can take a few weeks, months, or even years to slowly remove the abusive and toxic mentality from them. So do the things which they like, do it regularly. It is possible to feel anger and resentment when parents make such decisions for you, but you need to try to understand their position before you deal with the issue at hand. How Shall I Deal with My Narcissistic Parents? - About Islam You can work on the rest following other suggestions of this section. They still keep sending random men giving them our numbers without our consent. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. 2- They should have a sound reason for doing so. Its unfortunate that mental health isnt spoken about enough on such public Islamic platforms because men and women in my position with toxic parents end up with mental health issues we have to live with for the rest of our lives. I and my other 2 siblings had been disrespectful towards our parents but gradually we have realized that distancing ourselves from them would help better than anything. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. I love her but unfortunately I dont get emotional and psychological support from her. Conditions under which disobeying one's parents is permitted Being kind and understanding are signs of a good parent. Allah SWT mentions in one verse in the holy Quran that as Muslims, parents should remain fair. There is no problem that Allah sends down that He cannot solve, so ask for His Mercy and Kindness. Maybe it will work if you tried to convince your father that choosing a university outside of your home city will help your chances of getting good jobs or internship placements, for example? It is pretty common to freak out when our parents do or say things that go against our views as well as religious point of view (due to their ignorance). Allah SWT instructs all believers to be good to them at all times, 3. Who are toxic parents? Assalamu alaikum Besides, some culture even demands the bride to pay dowry to the groom, which is haram by all definition and guidelines of Shariah. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Is it acceptable that I distance myself from my mother since she is trying to harm me and my son? We shall discuss how to deal with unfair parents in Islam. And that psychologically affected my mental health cuz mom always sees me as partner instead of her son. May Allah paak gives hedayaat to all parents. It has been mentioned in the hadith below. I felt betrayed as a daughter as I trusted my mother and i always kept things within myself about what she told me not to tell off to my dad. When they will notice that you are literally acting upon what you expect from them, they will get the clear picture, and try to change them at their best. Understanding that he made this decision from a place of love helped me be able to rationally defend myself instead of rebelling. Wish to Gain Allahs Protection? And you have your own. Will Allah Hate Me for Cutting Off My Toxic Mother in - SeekersGuidance If Your Mom Ever Says These 19 Things, She Might Be Toxic - Bustle Tips Next steps If interactions with your parents continually leave you feeling drained or overwhelmed, you may be dealing with toxic parents. Dealing with toxic parents is an issue that isnt talked about enough in Islam. She always wanna know where I go even tho Im 20. This is pretty common for all families. Slavehood That sounds so dangerous. I am an 18-year-old girl, who has been physically, emotionally, and mentally abused due to my toxic and overcontrolling parents since I was six. Be just between your children.Sunan Ab Dwd; Sahih (authentic) as per Al-Albani. My mom hates me so much, she doesnt know what right for her, she has no destination goals. If something bad happens according to her she starts saying things about my dad that left her cuz of her personality. It felt like as though i am an useless daughter towards my family and did not thought of my parents. I can totally understand and relate to your situation. Islam can not be unfair to anyone! He admonishes you so that you may take heed.Surah An Nahl; Verse 90. In point of your view, your parents may be practicing Muslims. But on the time of my marriage she didnt perform any kind of rasam but all the rasams were performed on my brothers marriage. Tell them honestly that they are asking too much of you and that you need a bit more free time. This sets a boundary with them that you do not want to discuss a certain topic any further. A family counselor or a psychiatrist deals with such issues on a regular basis. She started saying how i probably wore the hijab because my hair is so ugly and that it will never become thick again. Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh. Perhaps you can discuss their expectations of you and write them down, so it is clear and agreed upon. Restraining yourself from a mean or disrespectful response is excellence towards your parents. Indeed, Allah loves those who act fairly.Surah Al Mumtahinah; Verse 8. According to. They do not have mastery of life and will make their decisions based on their experience and what they think is right. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. But regardless they always quote ayah in the Quran and use to their advantage. Patience is the key if you are determined to work on them. Thank you for your question. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Sometimes we need professional help. http://www.avast.com. It can be any of your aunts or uncles. Are Good Deeds Accepted Even If One Disrespects Their Parents? Your parents, from their side, might think that they are providing you with their best. A Good Intention Converting to Islam for Marriage. Is an Entry Fee at a Charity Event Considered Charity? But 'Allaah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us.' [Aal- 'Imraan 3:173 . How Do I Deal With My Toxic Parents Who Give Me Constant Stress? A group of scholars stated this, among . I suggest that if your parents have no respect for you at all you should stop providing, they seem ungrateful for your hard work and service and you do not deserve that since you worked hard for them. Jazakallah khair. Your parents will not change all of a sudden, so do not expect it to be. Or a respected uncle who can mediate with your parents? I pray Allah guides you and your mother. As you genuinely feel that your parents are harming you, you must find a way to distance yourself gradually. They overreact, or create drama. However; you should always keep in mind, being born as Muslims, you should always strive to fortify the ties of kinship. Ramadhan just started in my country and i wished it had been better for me. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Home Shafi'i Fiqh Seekersguidance.org How Do I Deal With My Toxic Parents Who Give Me Constant Stress? I am overweight and my hair is falling. and try to avoid arguments or any extra conversation. Compassion and care for your family members are a prerequisite in Islamic conduct and parents who are not following that is definetly in the error.The prophet is known to care for his children and grandkids and always showed mercy to them. Posted March 2, 2020 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina Managing toxic people in. thanks to my parents, I tend to cry everyday. How to Select Life Partner in Arranged Marriage? Here's how to cope. Why It's OK To Cut Off Toxic Family Members - Parents Virus-free. After some therapy and healing, and many supplications, you should figure out a way to minimally interact with her, again. Jazakum Allah khayr. It comes from our readiness to obey them and give them the deference that is due to them as parents. The difficulty that you face, however, is that you feel that their narcissistic traits lead you to become disrespectful towards them. There is usually a lot of generational gap between us and our parents, and this may affect communication between us. Verbal abuse: Yelling, screaming, name-calling and blaming are all examples, she notes. When it comes to finances the only thing he cares about is to pay our school fees nothing other than that. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. She is always overthinking things that dont matter. Allah SWT mentions in another verse within the Holy Quran, where he tells all Muslims to be fair towards their children or any other human being, to make sure that there isnt any bitterness. I know one of biggest test in Life is Parents but Alhamdulillah. these type of action grew hatred in my heart towards my sisters. People from the outside thinks were enjoying life, we have everything figured out, thats why I dont wish to have anybodys life. Prophet Muhammad SAW (PBUH) has advised us 3 times for us to be fair towards our children, in the hadith below. For the past 5 years we had financial difficulties and instability in our home. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Below here, Allah says in the Qur'an. We are created to worship Allah not his creation.We all will stand alone.no mother ,no father,no brother,no sister.Have faith in Allah .He loves you 70 +times more than your mother ever could.Its very very painful and unbelievable at times,and you keep seeking her approval and you never get it cause she herself is broken in a thousand pieces inside.Do not become a victimrise above. That led me to making dumb mistakes cuz i didnt recieve guidance from any adult in making different choices. Enter your details to download and enjoy Quran Companion, the smartest way to memorize the Quran for busy people. When my father understand the situation and take my side beecause he know that bo one give me value at home my mother always try to make her against me hse will not tell him any bad thing about other sibling but when ever i do something wrong she starts telling him so that he will aslo start hating me. What does Islam say about abusive parents? Allah SWT adores his believers who are unbiased towards their children, 5. Recently, my mother and sister fought with me and tried to make false allegations of abuse in regards to me as a mother to my son. And the Lord says: By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while. [Tirmidhi] May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and facilitate your matters for you. They. Sometimes I talk back to her but its only when Im literally having a mental break down, Ive lost 100 ponds and Im filled with hate, I have no self control anymore, I feel like nothing matters anymore. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". The cruel words and slanders will get boring and you will learn to get on with your life and do whats best for yourself and child. You get an A, they'll want an A+. May Allah make things easy for you sister.Remember when your mother is doing that to you,she is reflecting her own insecurities and projecting it on you.Try to remove yourself from the toxic environment by interacting less with them.Just when its necessary.Busy yourself with what is beneficial to you for the Aakhira and the dunya too that will help you be an achiever Dont let anyone mess with your confidence, My mother is not meticulously toxic.but she always ridicules me for the way i looklikemy features and my body are made by allah.. then idk y she makes me feel ugly by saying that i dont have good features to look like a girllook at me at ur agehow pretty i was.being ugly is not my mistake right..i dont know y she doesnt understand that.im 21 now and i have 5 more years to complete my education she is always ridiculing my getting married late .she even says that i wont get a nice groom bcoz i will b old and my skin will have wrinkles by the time i will get married..so i will get married only to an old man who is 40+ .she highly doesnt have the belief that everything is planned my allahim tired of hearing all theseand its affecting my mental health as well pls make dua for me, my mother has always been dearest to me but after many setbacks in life i came to realize, she badmouthed me behind my back to relatives etc destroying my image, she caused my 2 marraiges to fail by using fowl language with my in laws and they in return didnt believe me and took hatred for my mother out on me, servants lied to her about some mistakes they did and falsely blamed me to escape and she still believes those accusations, she says i should be thankful she is my mom , a maid tore her dress and put blame on me she believes it, she always taunts me about my 2 marraigesim middleaged now, my father died, marraiges failed, now she lives with mei do my best to be kind but all the setbacks and pressure of kids and single mother makes me burst out verbally sometimes and her replies are so hurtful and full of liesthis is the only mother i haveand allah says his love is of 70000 motherstoday i cried and seriously asked allah which kind of mothers love do you have for us? Take care of yourselves and make sure to also spend time with others also. But, should it not also be vice versa? They want to snitch away your son from you. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. And will lead to that particular child becoming the most easily targeted. Understanding and Dealing with Toxic Parents and Co-Parents - Healthline My mum doesnt talk to me right now, but i do greet her even if shes not going to answer. You can provide your children with gifts. If we try to talk them out of some situations they start saying were jahil towards the religion we must go back to Islamiyya. she give respect to every child at home expect me just because of this my other siblings also have started dissrespecting me no one prioritize me at home and no one give value to my suggestion when ever something is going in our family. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. But what if your parents are the ones who are making you suffer? what to do my mother always treat me unfair i am the middle child when ever my younger and elder sister do something she treat them camly but when ever i made a mistake she scold me and stop talking to me. Their job is to raise their children in the best way. How to deal with toxic parents in Islam? 2023 Quran Academy. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Lack of . Often, parents also do not like to be challenged. Also, please spread the word about Quran Companion and inspire others to memorize Quran Insha'Allah by clicking the share buttons below. JazkaAllah Khairan. 10 Tips for Coping with Toxic Parents I Psych Central I n any relation,we should try to have patience and try to increase our Islamic knowledge,since insufficient knowledge about Islam is the reason for spoiling the relations.Try to say Surah Fatiha and AYTAL QURSEE more,as it help in getting rid off shytan ,and help in guiding each one in the right direction.When the situation is favourable try to talk with your parents,to convence ,pray to Allah SUBHANU WATA AALA and do dua along with darood,since ALLAH SUBHANU WATA AALA loves each one much more than our parents,dont neglect your Salah at proper time,as much we love ALLAH SUBHANU WATA AALA,send more durood insha ALLAH TALA problems will be sorted out.May ALLAH SUBHANU WATA AALA give you happiness and blessings in this world and Jannate Firdous here after Aameen You just cannot lecture them or tell them what is right or what is wrong, because they are unlikely to listen to your speech. Quran says to respect parents, to treat them nicely and softly. Try to do duty of parents ,they will love you more and understand you! Your mother does love you but doesnt have any way of you showing you. It is truly heart breaking to not have a mothers love in the way you expect it or see others receive it. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. This wasnt the degree that he studied, but in his opinion, people in this field of study earn more income than their peers and he wanted to see me successful. Sometimes, parents are only adults who are also trying to figure out life. That made me very sad about it, my mother tho found it as a new way to torment me. I am sick and tired of this. Become a Hafeez! His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Give children with a good education. I know my experience with my mother will most definitely not be repeated with my child in future inshallah. Stronger for the Breaks - How to Heal from a Toxic Parent Im in their house but Wallahi its been more that three years I received a kobo from them. Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], uff, and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.. Start your journey to easily understand the Quran in Arabic. As a parent, I have come to understand that despite our best efforts, we should recognize that sometimes we make some decisions that may be serving our own purposes rather than that of the child. I am the eldest and many responsibilities and expectations have been put on me. Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation. About Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Ego. Do you want to understand the Quran in Arabic? Again, no matter how motivating a speech you give, your parents wont listen to you. I will never be nothing, most of the things she say is right but she always seem to wanna bring me down and never built me up, I know she hates me I can feel it, the way she look at me makes me wanna kill myself because I know I will never make her pround of me, I havnt heard her say I love you to me for as long as I can Remember. It made me think that they dont care about our happiness at all. Whatever our reasons, we cannot ignore the truth that sometimes, a parents actions or decisions may be toxic or detrimental to the life of a child. They don't think about your needs or feelings. In conclusion, we should understand that human interactions, especially within families, does get really complex sometimes, but as Muslims who are committed to strengthening the ties of kinship, dealing with toxic parents is a test from Allah (swt). This is more prevalent is Islam. ASSALAAMU ALAIKUM WARAHMATULLAH WABARKATUHU Kindness and understanding towards parents come from a place of being good to our parents. She always blame for what my father did. this is the only mother i have seen all my life and she did nothing but use me and hurt me. Here is an important dua from the Quran that you can make: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small. (Quran 17:24), To buttress the importance of obedience to parents, the verse before this addresses this issue where Allah (swt) said And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. My questions are: Do parent have the right to do what so ever they like (no matter how unfair it is) to thier children? What does Islam say about abusive parents? The children get mentally Doing what they ask when you have some free time is excellent. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (Quran 31:14), In a hadith narrated by Abdullah, he asked the Prophet (saw) Which deed is the dearest to Allah? He replied, To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times. I asked, What is the next (in goodness)? He replied, To be good and dutiful to your parents (Bukhari). The word "toxic" is often. Furthermore, take care of yourselves and make sure to also spend time with others also. They're emotional loose cannons. Harm As you genuinely feel that your parents are harming you, you must find a way to distance yourself gradually. We are asked to not even utter Uff to them, as Allah said: { } Be understanding and show kindness towards your children, respectful conversation with your children. MAY ALLAH SUBHANO WATA ALA make situation easy for both the parties.We shouldnt use word toxic .It is shaytan that make different situation tough in different relations.ALLAH SUBHANO WATA AALA make everything easy to carry on,so seek HIS help.Children should try to understand,their parents,try to correct themselves,so there can be some easy way out,to tackle the situation.Prayer and patience in tough situation. And you will be in a better position to face any negative comments you might face from them more successfully and will feel more confident in yourselves. Care for yourself first. If they remain balanced, then there wont be any jealousy among the children. Do not fall into the trap of feeling less than worthy as a result of their narcissistic behavior towards you. It is especially advisable to seek help in the case of violence, but even in cases where you have toxicity due to generational differences, it may be advisable to bring in trusted parties who can mediate. If I go to the psychologist am scared the child services would harm her and my sister. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I dont have I trust. I would recommend you to live with yourself for year or half a year at least. If she is excused and is no longer held accountable . Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. I can appreciate this article and hope there are more blog posts in the future on this site and others alike about the struggle we have nowadays with trying to lead Islamic lives in todays society whilst also being dutiful trophy children. This is a much more effective parenting method in the long run, and I pray that you can achieve this with your parents. She then proceeds to ask what do i want her to cook and i responded its ok, me and my husband will eat outside today she then replied what about me? and i said u can cook at home for urself, its ok u dont have to worry about us (me and my husband). It does not store any personal data. I hope you are well. More or less every parent has someone he/she trusts and has some acceptabilities. The only way to deal with parents is to show them the right way. June 26, 2023 by Omar Abdullah Dealing with toxic parents is an issue that isn't talked about enough in Islam.